Dec 1, 2009
It is truly astounding to me how fast time as gone. Or maybe it is just that I cant seem to remember much of anything. Especially the order of events in my life, thus far. I feel like it was just Christmas. Which is funny because I dont remember Christmas, or the month of December for that matter.
Michelle and I talked on the phone for a while today. It was nice just hearing her voice. But talking to her also reminds me of some events I wish to forget. This cold weather also does something to me. Its almost as if the cold itself, along with leaves turning ect, says to me "You should be smaller. Remember?" And my body and mind does remember. I think it's because I spent so much time freezing my ass off. I've come to relate cold to sickness. Michelle and I discussed, in terms most dont understand, how everything is going. And, of course, by "how everything is going" i mean, binge/purging? restricting? insulin manipulation? She sounded well. She said she cant remember last Christmas either. well, thats because we were slowly dying this time last year. And that realization alone feels like a punch in the stomach.