Feb 28, 2010

and another thing

i wish i could tell you.
1. you make me feel like a stupid child. Which I prolly am.
melodrama does not suite me, but it's the way things feel.
2. At this point, I would do almost anything just for Aubrie to answer her phone. I wish i could be mad at her, but i'm just scared. Why am I even calling? The inevitable frustration, worry and sick feelings aren't enjoyable. Some may even say "unpleasant." But, I care Maybe too much? It is damn near ridiculous how much I base my actions and feelings off of other people's. I dont even know. One day it will finally sink in that no one is going to save me. Not mom or dad, not Becca, not Alex or laura or Aubrie, not therapists or friends or lovers or strangers. I have to do it myself. And i'm not quite sure where to begin.
3. I hate that I dont have the guts to tell you how much you hurt me.
4. I like you but I dont have the energy to be fucked with. So, no games. Unless it's Candy Land. Then, I'm in.

Lately feels like someone stole my life's road map and i'm lost and the sun is setting and i wanna kick the thief in the shins 'cause it wasnt a very polite. Except the thing is, I probably lost it. Along with my blue Contemporary Social Problems binder and my Hurley t-shirt. And probably some other stuff i havent realized I lost yet.
No. Here is the real problem. Things are too serious. College, friends, enemies, family, what i wanna be when i grow up, hell, what I wanna be tomorrow. It's too big and final and scary. (warning: immabout to sound like a intense hippie) I would be happy with a camera, a car, some music and friends. Like, real friends. That dont get (too) tired of my manic bullshit. What is all this about deciding on a Major and being grown-up and sending people to boarding school and no, half of my life didnt really happen because only shit like that happens in the movies. Not to me, silly.

No comments:

Post a Comment