I dont know how to articulate this. How does someone feel so much and so little at the same time? How do you deal with the past? Should you deal with the past? How do you move on to the future? Or even stay in the present? How can you miss something or someone so much that you can feel it in your bones? How do you look at the pain in someone's eyes and know the right thing to say? Or is listening just enough? How do you deal with yourself and react to people around you at the same time? Why does weather change your mood? Why does smell make you remember? Why do time most beautiful things make you sad? How can pain and joy coexist?
All I know is, you have to believe that it will all turn out okay. If you dont, whats the point? Life happens. Things change and friends leave and life doesnt stop for anyone. Something struck me today as I was watching (500) Days of Summer. It says something about how there are only a handful of days in a person's life that actually mean something. The rest, are just a passing of time. Well, that is a very sad thought to me. I want everyday to have meaning, be something special, memorable. I know that this is realistically and mentally impossible to remember EVERY day ever, but how cool would it be to go out of your way to make every day the absolute most that it can be. I'm afraid I am too shy and awkward to do this. But, it is a good goal to have.
It is a good goal to have especially going into college. And especially because my senior year turned out the way it did. I never intended for things to end up the way that they did. And I missed a lot of things. Some of which I am truly glad that I missed. And some of which I'm very sad that I did. So, my college resolution is to make everything the best that it can be. Work hard to find the good in people and in situations. No matter how bad something seems. Because I have had too many days float away, unnoticed, unmarked and insignificant.