Aug 26, 2009

Self Sabotage?

I wonder if it is a knowing or unknowing act. I know that for many people, they believe that they will fail, so they do. And for others, they believe that they do not deserve to succeed, so they do not. Then I guess there are those who want out of something or dont want to do something so, their self-attack is thought out, planned and completely on purpose.
Personally, I dont know which is true for me. Maybe, probably all three. And I know that it depends on the situation, as well as, the people involved. Some of it may be cowardly actions. Some of it may be my lack of self confidence and inability to believe in myself.
I guess what I am most confused about is the way in which my self destructive behaviors come about. At first glance, there seems to be no rhyme or reason. But, then I realized that whenever things seem to feel alright or to calm down, I do something to screw it up. Either that, or during times of stress (this week) I do things to distract myself or because I think it will make things "better". Actually that is a lie. I do things because I think that they will make me FEEL better. And is completely selfish. I guess Dad was right.

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