It is something rarely found these days. Honesty.
But honestly, i am hardly honest even half of the time.
Not to say that i lie about insignificant things ... much.
More than that, i am not honest with myself.
Which is a confusing way to live.
I feel like i have insane amounts to grow up before leaving for college. Which is scary. First and foremost, sanity must be obtained. Then a little growing up with a bit of finding myself ... as corny as that sounds. My organizational and time management skills are rarely up to par. And all of this frightens me.
But It will be a new beginning. Honestly, i want to be someone different. The perfect chance to reinvent myself?? I have this bazar image of my ideal self which is far from the person i am today. Who knows if i will ever be this person. Maybe it is too far from me or who i am supposed to be.
Maybe i wont even make it to college. Maybe my heart will stop beating. Right now what i need the most is out of my reach. And this is the saddest thing of all to me. That the choice between my future and my existence depends on something i can not control. Something that is so simple. The solution is clear. But the means of making it work are unseen. Maybe i wont make it out alive after all.